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Writer's pictureDavid M. Crisp, Jr.
Jul 153 min read

Unmasking the Hidden Benefits of Our Struggles: Understanding Secondary Gain

Updated: Jul 16

The Procrastination Conundrum

Many of us frequently complain about procrastinating at work, doing chores, or managing personal responsibilities. While often dismissed as mere laziness or poor time management, procrastination can be an avoidance behavior rooted in trauma. This pattern is a “freeze response” to protect against a perceived threat, a topic worthy of separate discussion. However, it sets the stage for exploring something more sinister and less obvious in our behavior patterns: secondary gain.


What is Secondary Gain?

Secondary gain refers to any advantage obtained as a result of having an illness or condition, such as increased attention, disability benefits, or release from unpleasant responsibilities.


An Everyday Example

Imagine getting COVID-19. The primary gain is missing work due to illness. The secondary gain is the sympathy and attention you receive because you’re sick. This phenomenon is commonly observed on social media, where individuals publicly announce their ailments and receive an outpouring of sympathetic comments. Some even leverage their health challenges to become social media influencers, amassing followers and revenue streams.


The Hidden Costs of Secondary Gain

While secondary gain can provide a benign, short-term benefit, it often masks deeper issues. For those who turn it into a business, it might seem advantageous, but one can't help but wonder how much better their lives would be if they freed themselves from their challenges. For the rest of us, secondary gain is often unnoticed until we become mindful of our problems. Recognizing these secondary effects can reveal how we use our issues to boost our emotional state, ultimately cheating ourselves.


Real-Life Scenarios

Here are a few more examples of secondary gain:


Chronic Fatigue: “I have chronic fatigue (or anxiety, depression, etc.), so I always have an excuse not to socialize if I need it.”


Infertility: “I’m infertile, which allows me not to fear being a bad parent, unlike my own parents.”


People-Pleasing: “If I constantly do things for others at the expense of my own wellbeing, people will like me, and I will feel validated and valuable.”


ADHD: “My ADHD keeps me up all night, so I can’t work during the day. I’ll lose my unemployment benefits if I go back to work.”


Addressing Secondary Gain

To address secondary gain, we must look at its root cause. Most of the time, it stems from a need for validation or a hunger for attention. For instance, an addict might find secondary gain in the sympathy and help they receive from others. While this may have a limited shelf life, enablers can perpetuate this behavior for years. By addressing the addiction, we also address the secondary gain.


Breaking Free from Unhealthy Patterns

Changing unhealthy patterns is crucial, not only for ourselves but for others as well. Implementing new belief systems and behaviors frees us from the internal mechanisms holding us back and relieves friends and family from having to manage our presence in their lives. These problems are often nested in the subconscious mind, remnants of protective mechanisms established in childhood. In adulthood, they are masked and no longer serve us in a world where we have more resources and life experiences to draw from.


Becoming Mindful and Seeking Help

If you find yourself utilizing secondary gain, it’s essential to get mindful about your habits and patterns. Explore the root cause of these behaviors. If you find you need help, reach out. Hypnotherapy can be an effective platform for change, helping you break free from the subconscious beliefs that no longer serve you. By understanding and addressing secondary gain, we can transform our lives and relationships, stepping into a healthier, more authentic way of being.


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