We again find ourselves at the end of another year that seems to have raced by like the wind. The holidays are upon us and we begin to brace for the family visits to come. Following an emotionally charged presidential election, there’s plenty of fuel for the fire too.
You may already be feeling the angst building as you prepare to see certain family members this season. How do you navigate the emotions welling-up inside preparing you for the fight you think is about to happen? The simple answer is that it’s all about choice. What you choose will decide the quality of your experience, especially your level of joy.
Sure, we can keep things the same. The old patterns will repeat if we let them. How does this impact our experience and memories? We know the answer, so why not do something different this year? The better option is setting boundaries for ourselves. A simple but effective understanding of what we will tolerate may offer clarity and ease. Boundaries provide us security, predictability and limits our exposure to unwanted abuse, emotions and negative outcomes. Here are a few helpful strategies for establishing boundaries:
Stay away from sensitive topics like religion and politics. If someone else brings them up, simply tell them you’re not going to participate in the discussion. If they press, simply leave and go somewhere else.
Be mindful of your triggers and restrain yourself before reacting. Is a response even necessary? If we can be aware of our emotional triggers we can keep ourselves from getting sucked into unwanted and unpleasant interactions.
Decide before hosting or attending someone else’s home whether there are certain people of which you simply refuse to have contact. It’s okay to protect yourself and preserve your joy of the season. Understand that it’s perfectly acceptable to say “no”.
Limit alcohol consumption and kindly offer farewell’s should alcohol consumption by others start to create an awkward or unpredictable environment.
Realize there may be individuals that react or disapprove of your boundaries. These are the very people that drive your need for boundaries in the first place. Stick to your strategy and understand any resistance is about them and not you. This may feel uncomfortable due to dysfunctional patterns but it’s okay to learn how to put your needs and happiness first. This isn’t selfishness, it’s about self-preservation.
The holidays and family time shouldn’t be stress events. With a strategy and a little practice we can create peace for ourselves during a season that’s meant to be about exactly that.
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